Posts Tagged ‘Self Confidence’

Take a breather…..

Thursday, July 23rd, 2009

Its been a couple of months since my last blog/newsletter, if you have followed my recent set of  newsletters, you will be aware that I have been focussing each month on a useful technique for helping you respond better to something/someone that causes you to become stressed.

For a recap of these, you can go to http://www.nickmeredith.co.uk/blog (or if you are already here, simply see articles lower down the page)

Now, of course, I am not saying that every technique will work for everyone every time, but I do urge you to try each one out and see whether it does work for you in different situations.

This month, I am going to focus on a technique that that is very easy, very effective and costs nothing (until somebody finds a way of installing an oxygen meter between our mouth, nose and lungs, that is!) – You’ve guessed it, its called breathing properly.

Any clients that have been to see me for help with stress, anxiety, drepression, panic, phobias etc. will know that I almost always teach a powerful technique called “7-11 breathing”, which is very effective at “in the moment” management of stress. More about that later….

If you want to skip the facts, and move straight to the “how to do it”  bit, then click here, otherwise, sit back, slow down your breathing and read on.

Firstly, here are some interesting “facts” about breathing (based on some quick web research)

  • The average person only uses around 20% of their lung capacity
  • Breathing correctly is critical for maintaining the level of oxygen (O2) for energy, keeping the correct levels of Acid/Alkaline in the body, and enough Carbon Dioxide (CO2) for bodily functions
  • Healthy people make 93% of their energy aerobically (in presence of O2) but poor breathing can reduce this to 84%
  • 70% of body waste is elimited through breathing
  • A well known clinical study (Framlingham) over 30 years, provided convincing evidence that the most significant factor in peak health and longevity is how well you breathe

referencehttp://breathing.com/articles/clinical-studies.htm#Clinical%20studies%20i

What is “bad” breathing?

Typically this is when you are delivering less air per breath (than normal) into the lungs, especially through shallow (chest) breathing. It seems common sense then that less air per breath requires more breaths per minute to take in the required amount. This in turn causes a cascade of physiological changes that include

  • constricted blood vessels (by not breathing in properly)
  • an imbalance of CO2 and O2 in the blood. CO2 is a vital byproduct of our metabolism and is important in helping to maintain the balance between acid and alkaline in the body
  • an adverse effect on the body’s ability to eliminate toxins (by not breathing out properly)

What happens if there is an imbalance of CO2 and O2?

Too much CO2  and not enough O2 can amongst other things create low feelings feelings and fatigue.

Too much O2 and not enough CO2 can lead to an agitated state, however a restricted supply of oxygen can also contribute to panic attacks, anxiety and sometimes phobic responses.

Conversely, stress, anxiety and emotions can also adversely affect your breathing – your natural fight or flight response increases respiration which is more likely to result in faster chest breathing (as above) and once breathing has led you  into an aroused state, the physiological effects on the body remain until the stressor has gone.

Bad breathing is more likely to be conducted through the mouth (rather than the nose) which means that you could exhale large volumes of air quickly, leading to symptoms of hyper ventilation.

As a demonstration of some of the above points (strictly only for those of you who don’t have problems with panic attacks), just spend 10-20 seconds breathing in really quickly and shallower than you normally would – notice what happens! When I do this, within seconds I feel an immediate rush of adrenaline into my legs  and my hands start to sweat (as my brain starts to activate the fight or flight response).

Telling somebody who is feeling anxious, to breathe in deeply could make them feel worse. A person feeling anxious will already probably have exceeded their optimal CO2 levels, and deep breathing may cause them to breathe faster or hyperventilate (as the body speeds the breathing up to redress to CO2 and O2 balance) . It is more helpful to get them to breathe slowly. (see 7-11 breathing later)

What is “good” breathing?

Think about the opposite of bad breathing and you have pretty much got it. We all know how to breathe, and we all do it automatically (unconsciously) without even thinking about it (apparently over 17000 times per day!). With good breathing, you are aiming to redress and keep the O2 and CO2 levels at an optimum balance. In the beginning, you will need to consciously focus on your breathing to help change the habit.

The key point is to breathe as SLOWLY as possible, with the out breath longer than the in breath using the the diaphragm rather than the chest. Ultimately you want to get from an average of 12 breaths per minute to just 4 breaths per minute.

To help with this, there is a useful technique called 7-11 breathing, and this aims to achieve the above. It goes like this,

  • breathe in for a count of 7, hold for a short while
  • then breathe out for a count of 11
  • It can help to imagine that you have got a balloon (choose a calming colour for it) under your diaphragm and you are using the breathing to fill it and exhale it (count for 7 and out for 11 )

Make sure that when you are breathing in, you are doing deep ‘diaphragmatic breathing’ (your diaphragm moves down and pushes your stomach out as you take in a breath) rather than shallower higher lung breathing. If you find that it’s difficult to lengthen your breaths to a count of 7 or 11, then reduce the count to breathing in for 3 and out to 5, or whatever suits you best, as long as the out-breath is longer than the in-breath. Continue in this way for 5-10 minutes or longer if you have time – and enjoy the calming effect it will have on your mind and body. I would also suggest using your nose unless you find it too uncomfortable.

There is also another way to remember it, called 4-7-8 breathing (breathe in for a count of 4, hold for a count of 7, out for a count of 8)

The technique is effective because out-breaths stimulate what is called the Parasympathetic Nervous System, a natural bodily response that enables you to ‘rest and digest’ as opposed to ‘fight or flight’ (the Sympathetic Nervous System). Slow out-breaths decrease your blood pressure, dilate your pupils and slows your heart rate – lowering emotional arousal in the process.

reference:  Human Givens: A New Approach to Emotional Health and Clear Thinking (Paperback) , by Joe Griffin and Ivan Tyrrell

Don’t give up

Now, its almost certain that when you first try this, it will seem both unnatural and uncomfortable. That is because you will have years of practice of shallow, chest breathing. Lots of us (particularly blokes) are used to sucking our stomachs in to hide our middle age spread (obviously not me), and this means that we have unwittingly forced ourselves into chest breathing.

Finally, you will probably have to remind yourself to breathe in this way quite often in the beginning (before it becomes a habit). You will no doubt be aware of those times if you sit in front of a computer and TV for hours on end, deep in concentration, that you may have even even stopped breathing altogether at certain points! – it is therefore useful to have a reminder in your line of site telling you to “breathe properly”. Over time, like any habit, good breathing will become a natural function for you which you don’t even have to think about.

I have many emails and testimonials from clients telling me how useful 7-11 breathing has been for them with issues such as depression, anxiety, managing a panic attack, managing a phobic response or a fear of something, meeting nerves, exam nerves, driving test nerves, stress, calming down, public speaking, fear of flying, relaxing, dealing with anger, reducing fear in birth and labour and many more. So what are you waiting for, close this web page, start breathing properly and notice immediate and permanent benefits!!

Think about it, why is breathing so integral to most preparation/training routines for athletes, musicians, vocalists, public speakers and actors, and why it is so integral to practices like yoga, meditation and martial arts.

It’s none of your business!

Thursday, March 12th, 2009

“What people think about you is none of your business”

I first heard Jamie Smart use the above phrase, and he also told a story about the Buddha which went something like this…

Buddha was travelling in the company of several other people. One of the travellers begins to test Buddha by responding to anything he has to say with disparaging, insulting, hurtful remarks. Every day for the next three days, this traveller keeps verbally abusing Buddha, calling him a fool, arrogantly ridiculing him in any way he can.

Finally, after three days of this, the rude traveller can stand it no longer! He asks Buddha, “How can you continue to be so kind and loving when all I’ve done for the last three days is dishonour, offend and try to find ways to hurt you? Each time I try to hurt you, you respond in a kind manner? How can this be?!”

The Buddha responded with a question for his fellow traveller, “If someone offers you a gift, and you do not accept that gift, to whom does the gift belong?”

The common thread though my recent articles is about learning to take responsibility for your stress and improving your ability to respond to things happening in your life in a calmer way. To access the previous articles you can go to http://www.nickmeredith.co.uk/blog . In continuing this theme, I would like to cover a common issue that I deal with a lot in private client sessions.

A number of the clients coming to see me with stress or even self-esteem issues regularly torture themselves by imagining and believing what they think or perceive other people are thinking or saying about them. This is often called “mind reading” and can be a key contributor to creating unnecessary stress and misery (which is often a contributing source of insomnia, anxiety or panic attacks)

Examples of what mind readers might think or say are …

“When my back is turned, they start to talk about me” or

“Although she said X, I know she really meant Y and it was directed at me” or

“I could see by the way he looked at me that he thought I was stupid” or

“It wasn’t what she said, it was the way she said it…”.

Left unchallenged by you, these often quickly spiral into a cycle of feeling bad followed by more mind reading and then feeling even worse.

If you are one of these people,  stop it! Or at least ask yourself these questions before you choose to do it.

v How sure am I that I can truly know anything about what other people are thinking?

If you are very sure, then it might be worth considering how you can profit from your psychic skills

 

v How can I possibly know that the person meant it in that way?

Irrespective of whether the person intentionally meant a comment in a negative, positive or indifferent way towards you, it’s down to you to choose to interpret it in a negative, positive or indifferent way. Think about why, in a group of people, you will observe a full range of positive to negative responses o the same news story. In most cases, people are too busy in their own thoughts, getting on with their own lives, to be using their time to think or say negative things about you! This point is particularly important

 

v How sure am I that when another person makes a certain gesture or looks at me in a certain way, that he/she was intentionally being hurtful towards me?

Contrary to what you think, people don’t always all mean the same thing by using familiar looks or gestures, there is a lot more going on inside them that you don’t know about.

You might initially think you are very sure about your answers to these questions, but how can you really be? The only person who can be close to sure is the person who said the comment or made the look or gesture; and even that is debatable sometimes.

Take a few moments to re-read this article and think about it ! You might start to realise that all of the put downs and insults eventually come from within you rather than from outside you. Owen Fitzpatrick once said to me that “being put down presupposes you must have been up on the first place which seems to me a useful way of looking at things!

If any of this kind of thinking is something that you recognise in yourself then why not liberate yourself from it by politely refusing to accept the “gifts” offered to you – and repeat to yourself: “What other people think about me is none of my business!”